woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
