His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
