Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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