You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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