Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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