He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
