OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I seem to have left my pride at pride
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
