I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
