oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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