i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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