Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
