Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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