I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
