just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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