She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
