i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
