I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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