She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
