I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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