You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
