Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
