What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
