I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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