is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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