I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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