Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
