Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
