WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
