Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
