I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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