The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
