What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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