i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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