U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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