he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
