whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
