Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
