the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
