He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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