Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
