I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
