what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
false alarm, still single
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
