You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
