What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
