Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
