Whod you bang
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
