I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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