Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
