it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
