Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
