Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
