does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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