Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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