since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
