I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
