I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
