Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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