Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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