rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
