just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
