i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
