I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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