Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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