can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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