and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
