It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
