Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
