We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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