The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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