Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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