you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
