You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
