and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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