Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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