she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
