Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
