So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
