just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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